Parenting your second child

Being a mom the second time around is an adventure. But this time, unlike the first, you have the clear advantage of experience. You’ll probably feel a bit more confident, more relaxed.

Soon however, you’ll realize that your second child is not a carbon copy of the first—each child has a distinct appearance and personality. Be ready to respond to their individual needs. Rather than searching for similarities, enjoy watching your youngsters’ unique personalities unfold.

Love for two

• Love will multiply. With another child your love doesn’t have to be divided in two—it can grow. It’s okay to have different feelings toward each child. You can love each child in a special way.
• Time for each. Spending time with one child doesn’t mean you are disloyal to the other. Siblings can learn about patience, sharing, and compassion from watching their parents interact with their brothers or sisters.
• Make everyone feel special. See the second child as an individual who is a unique part of the family. Something as subtle as referring to each child by name rather than "the kids" can uplift each child as an individual.

You, as a mom, will be different, too

• You’re more secure. The cloud of parenting uncertainty that may have loomed over your firstborn will likely fade away with the second. You probably won’t fuss as much—brushing off a dropped pacifier or letting your child play in the dirt. Enjoy your newfound feeling of security and kick back.
• You’re more experienced. Second-time parents are more likely to take illnesses in stride rather than push the panic button. Be thankful that you now know when to be alarmed about your child’s health and when to ride out a case of sniffles.
• You’re more relaxed. With a second child you’ll probably feel more comfortable giving up some control and accepting help. Don’t hesitate to call a babysitter for a night out or let your older child spend an afternoon solo at Grandma’s house while you get some one-on-one time with the baby.
• You’ll be more busy. A family’s schedule may have revolved around the first baby, but life becomes more complex with two. The second baby’s schedule will often have to fit into the activities of the first child. Rather than feeling guilty about the difference, accept this as a fact of life with a growing family.
• You may not be as awed as the first time. Because you have seen all the firsts before—sitting up, crawling—don’t be surprised if the events of child number two are not as vivid. Enlist the help of the older sibling to keep up with the baby book or first-year calendar.

Although life gets a little more hectic with two children, by adjusting your expectations and enlisting the support of others, the joy of parenting can be multiplied with two.