Sibling rivalry with a newborn
When the new baby comes home, it won't be long before your older child or children realize changes are ahead. Mom and dad are busier than before, more things are off-limits, and there's more noise at night. For many children change is difficult, and they may think that the new baby is to blame.
Signs of rivalry
When your baby comes home, you may notice that your older child starts demanding all of your attention and wanting to be held constantly. Some children start to regress, asking for a bottle or speaking baby talk. You may see your older child swat at the baby or bite a tiny finger.
Understand that these behaviors are a result of your child's deepest fear that mom and dad will abandon her. The best way to cope with this is to reassure her that this will never happen.
How to help
The following tips may help your older child in her adjustment to her new sibling:
- Be extra affectionate. Shower her with love and affection. Spend some special time each day with your older child.
- Listen to and accept your child's feelings. Let your older child express her fears and apprehensions. If you try to suppress them or call the negative feelings "wrong," she may act out or suffer stress illnesses such as stomachaches. Let her know what to do when she feels upset such as, "If you feel upset or angry at the baby, come to me for an extra hug."
- Be supportive. It's only natural for your older child to assume that she'll get more attention if she acts like a baby. It's okay to let her be "a baby" again (such as giving her juice in a bottle) but encourage her to do “big girl” things such as tying her shoes or dressing herself.
- Keep an eye on things. If your older child behaves aggressively toward her new sibling, intervene with a clear, simple directive: "Remember to be gentle with the baby." Then take your child's hand and show her how to touch the baby gently on the arm or leg.
- Allow some noise. Asking a child to be quiet for extended periods of time isn't realistic. Newborns are perfectly able to sleep through normal household noise.
- Create a place for the older child's toys, clothing, and books. Having her own space will reassure your child that her things are still hers.
- Maintain rituals. Change is inevitable, but it's difficult for older children to cope. Making sure your older child's mealtimes and bedtime remain close to what she's used to will help her feel secure in the midst of other changes.
