Expectations from grandparents
As you’re learning to be a parent, your own parents or your partner’s parents will be learning how to be grandparents. You may find that your expectations differ.
Remember that not all grandparents are the same. Although some will want constant access to their grandchildren, others will grandparent from a distance. Here are just some of the grandparenting styles your relatives may adopt:
- Traditional granparents: These are the modern-day versions of the cookie-baking grandparents. Besides teaching their grandchildren to crochet and fish, as in years gone by, they may take the children on hikes or challenge them to games of street hockey.
- The playmates: These grandparents want to show the grandkids a good time. They love to tickle the baby, tease the toddler, and joke with the preteen. When the grandchildren visit, they might serve breakfast in the playhouse, go on a treasure hunt in the garden, take a trip to the zoo, or eat pizza while watching a favorite video.
- Substitute parents: These grandparents pinch-hit for mom and dad. The kids are practically as comfortable with Grandma and Grandpa as they are with their own parents. These grandparents know intimate details such as the baby won’t go to sleep without her blankie or that she loves to cuddle when she first gets up in the morning.
- Grandparents as teachers: Many grandparents feel a deep sense of responsibility to share their wisdom and values with their grandchildren. They take it upon themselves to be positive role models, mentors, family historians, and spiritual leaders for this fledgling generation.
- The long-distance grandparent: Two-thirds of grandparents today have at least one grandchild who lives in another state. To stay in touch these grandparents can call and write frequently; keep updated on the activities and interests of the grandkids; and send photos, audio recordings, videos, or meaningful gifts regularly. And they’ll want to visit as often as they can.
When your parent isn't ready to be a grandparent
Not all grandparents are ready to fulfill the grandparenting role. If you don’t get the moral and physical support you hoped from your parents, don’t give up. Help them to know your child through regular letters and calls. Invite them to visit. Send pictures.
If your baby has no grandparents
Consider adopting a grandparent. If you have friends or neighbors who are especially interested in you and your child, include them in family activities and visit them with the baby. This relationship can be just as valuable as a "real grandparent."
Did you know?
It’s helpful to discuss with your parents their feelings about being grandparents before your baby arrives. This way you and your parents have the same expectations about roles and responsibilities.
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